Looking back on this past year I can say there was good and bad. Either it be running, school or just my personal life, I have gained so much experience and learned so many lessons in my senior year that I feel 5x more mature than when I started out here at UNC. Since this is mainly about my running and what goes through my head. I thought I'd grace you with how my sometimes overly thinking mind processes. This year started out rocky, and finished almost about the same. I'm not going to say that it was a total waste though. My running career hasn't been exactly what I wanted the last two seasons but you win some and you lose some right? Senior year was supposed to be the best year, the year where I take great big leaps in my career and didn't look back. But it didn't happen like that.
For maybe the whole year I fought with myself, and didn't know if what I was getting as an athlete from the people around me was what I truly needed. Trying to stay positive and just get through the year is where I messed up. I have a great Coach who was there by my side everyday pushing me to my limits. Either it was during a track workout or mentally with questions he'd asked, he was there. My good luck charm even if he thought he wasn't. But at the end of the day I'm glad to still call him my Coach.
But back to running... Every race became a question of "why am I even here?" The idea of running after college became slim to none with every race I ran that didn't turn out how I wanted it to turn out. Yes I believe I could have run faster this season. If races played out how I planned, If I positioned myself differently, but those are all IF's and if it was supposed to happen it would of. After USA's I struggled with myself on if I wanted to keep running.
"Your so talented..." "Don't give up..." "This is your passion..." "2 years can turn into a gold medal..."
All things I heard from people I love and admire. But it wasn't enough until I sat down and talked to myself, watched my favorite movie, and than thought about my life without running.
"what am I crazy??"
I thought about 2008 where even though I was injured, I was upset that I didn't make it in to Olympic trials because they only take 30 and I was 31st. I thought about 2009 where I won my 1st ACC championship and went on to run 2:03 and become an all-american. AND how in that same year I was pegged with injuries and still had a great season. What can stop me but myself. What will I ask myself in 20+ years when I look back on this time. I wanted to be able to say I took a chance, I worked my ass off and came out on top, or at least close to it.
I am going to keep running and pursuing my dream of being at the olympic games. I cant say I know what year, but it doesn't matter. I will be there. But at the moment, there's no running for me in Euro right now, there's no agent, no contact with a shoe company, there's just me. All I need is me, my running shoes, a track, weight room, my coach and the roads. This is going to be a long season ahead. Now that I am coming off a month long break, it's time to lace them up again and get grinding. Its going to be filled with ups and downs, but hopefully mostly ups. Wish me the best of luck! I'm on a mission..
ooh sidenote: thought i would leave u with some fun videos from the year... and a video behind my inspiration to keep pushing.