The Death Of Perfectionism
per·fec·tion·ism | noun
a person striving for flawlessness and setting high performance standards, accompanied by critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others' evaluations.
I have already formally come out and said I might be a little bit of a control freak. Yes, it's not always an attractive trait but we all have our flaws, and this has been one of mine. The biggest struggle for me the last couple of years has been the fault of comparing myself to others, and the feeling of having to always be perfect. I am someone who has constantly prided myself on having high expectations, and being a highly motivated individual. Anything I do I want to do to PERFECTION. When I get everything done to my expectations I am on cloud nine and no one can tell my a thing. But then there is that feeling I get when things don't work out how I might have envisioned. You might know that feeling; I'm ashamed, concerned that everyone is going to say I don't know what I'm doing, and I feel like I'm just worthless.
If everything was PERFECT, you would never LEARN and you would never GROW.
As I am on this journey to channel more of my alter ego, I have had to learn that this perfectionism trait has to die. We live in a world where we are constantly comparing ourselves to media and what others have to say about us. This is just bad for our souls and it needs to stop. I want to be more of that bad ass female with no care in the world. The woman who looks at herself in the mirror and only compares herself to who she was the day before. As I have taken this journey I have seen that it's not going to be easy, and it is a constant thing I have to work on every day, but it is possible to look at yourself every day and feel comfortable in your own skin. So you can truly say being quote on quote perfect is overrated and just boring. Yes, I will still sing Beyonce's Flawless at the top of my lungs still, but with a new perspective.
If you ever truly listened to Beyoncé's 'Flawless' record you hear the message of confidence and that carrying yourself with such confidence leads to being Flawless in every aspect of your life. I'm a big Beyoncé fan and I hope you are too, because there is just something about that woman that radiates realness and girl boss to the extreme. So how does Beyoncé spill into this talk about perfectionism? Well, I remember her saying in her HBO documentary, Life Is But a Dream, that she's an artist and she's sensitive about her sh*t. Even with that being said she takes criticism as a lesson to be learned and a opportunity of growth. I get it, we are all artist in our own ways and sensitive about our sh*t. That can't be our excuse though, and I am determined to have more of a growth mindset and let the perfectionist in me die. How am I going to continue doing this and how can you start to let go of your perfectionism? Let's talk about it.
BEING OKAY WITH FAILURE
At some point you have to be okay with failure. Yes we are all a little sensitive about things we have worked so hard to do. It takes dedication, investment of time, and a ton of emotions to do something you love. But guess what, if we did everything the right way the first time we'd most likely get bored with everything and never experience challenges. Challenges create growth, and without growth we'd all be stuck in a mediocre world. I've had to learn that failure doesn't mean I didn't do my job right but there is just more to learn and improve on what I already know. Becoming okay with failure is your first step to ended any type of perfectionist bug you might have in your life.
STOP COMPARING YOURSELF
Okay I know I just said you must become okay with failure first but this next tip might need to be the first thing we all need to do. I really don't know where this lies in the line of tips honestly, but I know it's a problem that we as a society struggle with. I get that it has happened for centuries and it's not an easy fix, but in this day an age I find that comparison is the worst it has ever been. What do I mean by that? Well, have you ever scrolled through your Instagram feed and caught yourself commenting on someone's photo something like this; "Relationship Goals", "Body Goals", "You're PERFECT". Even if you haven't put it in the comments you can admit to at least saying to yourself. I'm a big advocate on loving yourself, and helping women and girls love themselves completely. Letting them know that social media doesn't always depict someones life and that we are not all built to look the same. That goes for goals to. We are not on the same timeline as Beyoncé or that blogger you follow that has hundreds of thousands subscribers. You will flourish and become the butterfly you are supposed to in time. I've learned that if I continue to create content that speaks to me I will soon attract my tribe and I will be on the path to whatever my goal is.
ARE YOU REALLY GETTING A LOT DONE?
Are we truly getting much done as perfectionist? Being a perfectionist means we are spending so much time on one thing because as we like to say "it's not ready." Can I be honest, I have been working on this blog for a month and guess what? I am just now posting it because if I don't then it will never go live and I will never get anything else done. I believe we are fooled into thinking that perfectionism will help us achieve our goals, deadlines, and be more productive. In fact we are not achieving our goals because we are terrified that we will disappoint others. When you let go of perfectionism you don't let go of achieving your goals. You will actually learn that you feel more free and that you are more likely to achieve the goals you've set out in front of yourself.
Once I figured all this out these things were the only thing stopping me from truly reaching my goals and achieving more than I could possibly think of, I wanted to kick myself. Now I still haven't completely let go f my perfectionism, but believe me I'm working on it! I've made it a mission recently to get out of my own way and just let things flow how they are supposed to. Either that be in life, work, or my love for this blog. All it takes is a mindset change to get you started and to keep yourself on the right track.
Are you a perfectionist? And if so share how you will try to kick this habit.